Self-doubt can be crippling. It’s a common experience, even among leaders, and especially overachievers. That person (celeb, writer, world leader, sport star) you look up to who exudes confidence, yep, they’ve faced it, too.
Personally, self-doubt has been like an old annoying friend, pecking at me throughout every life stage and experience: public speaking (”Am I going to embarrass myself and face lifelong humiliation?”—No), setting boundaries in relationships (”Am I being unreasonable? Am I being difficult? Am I allowed to need this?”—No, No, and Yes), and major life changes (”If I quit my job, will I end up homeless and living on the streets?”—Possibly, but extremely unlikely). The result of self-doubt is procrastination, analysis-paralysis, and staying stuck.
Throwing self-doubt out of the window, making aligned decisions, and taking action will do your confidence, leadership, and personal growth wonders. Here are six steps to help you stop stressing and step into your power instead:
Step 1: Identify the Source of Your Self-Doubt
Self-doubt typically stems from an interplay of past experiences (e.g., critical family members), societal conditioning (e.g., believing certain careers or life paths are unsuitable for your gender/race/age etc), and external pressures (e.g., your colleagues snippy and demanding communication style). These influences can shape beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities, and if not addressed, can lead to persistent feelings of inadequacy.
Understanding the root of your self-doubt is the first step in the journey.
Action Tip: Close your eyes and bring to mind the first time you remember doubting yourself. Ask yourself:
- When do I first remember feeling self-doubt?
- Who else was there?
- What did they say or do?
- In what ways have their words or actions stayed with me and affected the way I show up in the world?
Step 2: Challenge Your Inner Critic
Once you’ve recognised where the self-doubting thoughts originate you can begin to challenge them. Our minds often play tricks on us, presenting old criticisms, beliefs, and emotions as facts.
Action Tip: When self-doubt arises, ask yourself “How true is this?”. Then, begin to counter your negative thoughts with a positive or neutral statements. It doesn’t have to be so positive that it feels unbelievable (e.g., “I always perform perfectly and exceptionally”). You could replace “I’m always failing” with “I am capable and growing”.
Consistent practice makes it easier to recognise self-doubting thoughts and replace them with thoughts that serve you better. Being present and aware of your thoughts is needed to really nail this, which is where mindfulness and meditation work amazingly.
Step 3: Embrace Your Achievements, Big and Small
Self-doubt has a sneaky way of overshadowing your accomplishments and diminishes their significance so that you don’t fully appreciate and internalise your successes.
By consciously acknowledging and celebrating achievements, major milestones and even small, little victories, it’s possible to cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth. This practice helps to reshape self-perceptions and boost confidence in future challenges.
It’s also helpful for reframing your negative thoughts into neutral or positive thoughts (Step 2), as you’ll have lots of examples to draw from.
Action Tip: Write an “Achievements List.” Include all of your accomplishments, skills, and positive qualities—they can be personal or professional. If you struggle to think of any, ask a supportive friend or supervisor to help remind you. Review this list when self-doubt emerges to remind yourself of your achievements—and all of the good decisions you made to get you to those achievements.
Another tip is to create a “Nice Notes” folder, where you store all of the kind words and messages that people have sent to you, thanking you for your help or assistance. This way, you’re reminded of the positive feedback you’ve received from others, in addition to internalising your achievements.
Step 4: Shift from Fear to Trust
Now you’ve done the background work, you can begin to replace fear-based thinking with inner confidence and trust. You’re well aware how fear-driven decision-making undermines you and your leadership. This step counteracts that, and is the cornerstone of trusting yourself and your intuition.
Rather than procrastinating and seeking ALL THE INFORMATION before making a decision, you can go inward instead and make aligned decisions. When you know how to listen, your body gives you the information you need to make the right call.
Action Tip: When you have a decision to make, sit quietly without distractions. Bring the options to mind one by one. Pay attention to how your body reacts to each choice—expansive, lightness, warmth, or ease versus tightness, heaviness, tension, or discomfort. Trust the feelings, as your bodily signals are often more honest than your overthinking mind.
Step 5: Take Bold, Imperfect Action
Action is the best antidote to self-doubt. Taking steps, even small ones, towards your goals helps to build confidence and momentum.
As a recovering perfectionist, I know the idea of taking imperfect action can feel challenging, but, getting comfortable with the messy and unknown will speed you toward the actions and outcomes that you are proud of.
Action Tip: Choose one action that challenges your comfort zone. It could be deciding to speak up in a meeting, share your ideas online, set a boundary with a loved one, or show up to an event as you truly are—without the social mask. Each step forward will strengthen your self-esteem and get you closer to your authentic and powerful self.
As a reading recommendation, if you’ve not read it already, check out The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
Step 6 (BONUS): Surround Yourself with Positive People
This tip is a little different from the others but it’s just as important. Who you spend your time with significantly impacts the perceptions you hold about yourself and others, your emotions, and your wellbeing. Social networks are contagious, which means that both positivity and negativity can spread among those who are connected.
As such, we need to be mindful about who we spend our time with.
If you want to feel self-assured, peaceful, confident, it’s best to limit your time with critical naysayers and seek out people who support, uplift, and inspire you.
Action Tip: Evaluate your relationships, especially the five people you spend the most time with. Actively seek out connections with people who encourage you, both personally and professionally. Consider joining new groups or clubs to meet new people, or work with a coach to build your confidence.
Boldly Step into Your Power: Conquer Self-Doubt Today
Overcoming self-doubt is a process. Remember that your unique abilities are valuable and deserve recognition—don’t let self-doubt hold you back. It’s time to step into your power, make bold decisions, and lead with purpose and clarity.
Ready to deepen your growth and leadership potential? Download the free Mind-Body-Soul Audit, book a 1:1 call with me today for greater peace and purpose, or check out my signature coaching program The Luminary™️.